what a remarkably wasted day.

congratulations.

for lack of a better analogy, i feel like i'm in a slump.
perhaps a more accurate analogy is that the spell is returning. or has returned.
i feel like i've been lost in the mists of lothlorien.

only it's not so beautiful here.

i feel ready to breakout.
not that i'm *prepared* to break out.
just ready.
far from prepared, really.
which is half the problem.

i've said it again and again, but it's like i'm on the edge of something great, but something keeps holding me back.
i have a feeling i know what it is.
paul called it the thorn in his side.
but he never let it completely hold him back.
obviously.
his chased him to God.

mine. well. it's enough of a distraction to chase me away.
not completely away, but just enough of a wedge to prevent intimacy.

sitting around watching ed tonight. wondering how much longer i'll still relate to the single guy who doesn't get the girl.
no, i'm not complaining about not getting the girl again. well, i don't think i am.

i'm just tired of being in the same place the last 6 years.

it's always the same.

school pressure. time management. choices. complexity.
living day to day. just trying to get through the next one.

i'm ready for something better. but i keep chaining myself to the floor.

no matter how different
you're just like everybody else.
no matter matter how hard you try to fit in
there's no one like you

you're just like everybody else.
there's no one like you.

and all of this just as i was beginning to have the most amazing dream...
and all of this just as i was beginning to have the most amazing dream...

tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

let's begin again, shall we?