driving home today i decided that maybe some of what i pass off as humility is just a defense mechanism. that i set expectations of myself in the minds of others low others so, maybe, they won't expect much of me, and so if i exceed the propaganda about myself that i put in other's minds, the better, and if i don't...well, i won't have anything to disappoint them with.

i want to please others too much. i think maybe i just need to live and do to the best of my ability, stop being so self-deprecating, and live with the consequences and benefits therein.

just a thought.