taking my hands off of this steering wheel
(ready to fall apart)
-the violet burning

some old poems i've written:

myself around you
so how do i be myself around you
when my heart's doing all these crazy things
and this crazy fear that tugs at my heart
that fears i may not be all that you think
an irrational fear that feeds doubt instead of faith
faith that God will unite my soul with one
meant for me as i for her
so why hide behind any pretense of what i think
you want me to be
why not let my heart shine forth for what it is
a light that will draw you to me or force you away...

with you
how can i tame the desire of a soul
that longs to be with you...
to share a simple breeze with you
on a warm spring day,
or maybe silly laughter at some random nothing.
just to enjoy your smile, your eyes,
and the joy that fills my heart at your happiness.
perhaps just listen to your voice,
to close my eyes and enjoy any and every moment
you'd actually choose to spend with me,
hoping to connect with your amazing heart, mind, and soul...

===

i was restless again today.
my soul was not stilled and quieted.

an example:
i feel like my hands are tied...
struggling between thoughts/beliefs/ideas i'm beginning to buy into
about how i want my friendships/relationships to be...
of not arousing or awakening love, or thoughts thereof, until it so desires...
and i can't even say what i'm feeling is anywhere close to love...
but it's the whole courting deal, you know...
the wooing...
but where we are right now...i don't know...

jesus, please take me to where you want me to be.
better yet, can you just take me to you?
to abide in your peace awhile would be nice.
just to abide awhile in you at all would be nice.