such a challenge to control my feelings.

"take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."

i'm so overwhelmed sometimes.
is it healthy?
is it healthy to have these feelings?
is it healthy to suppress them?
more than that, is it right?
to have them? to not...

He says he knows my thoughts,
knows the groanings of my heart
before i even speak them.

but that doesn't make the struggle any easier.
all i can do is sit here with my head in my hands...
and hope my feeble attempts at surrender
somehow lead to the land of comfort
or at least the security of our Father's arms...

it all comes down to trust.
do I trust Him enough
to curl up in His lap and stay awhile
to cease striving...
and give up all my arranging, my planning...
hoping
yea, even believing He'll take care of everything...
in its own time, in the best possible way...

what good will all this worrying do me?
He takes care of the flowers in the field...
surely He'll take care of me...

cease striving.