reminded tonight of two girls...love lost...

there have been a bunch of girls i've known who have taught me a great deal about who and what i'm looking for in a future relationship. personalities, characteristics...strengths, weaknesses...

but there have been two that just took my heart by storm...

i'm haunted by their memory.

i'm tempted more and more lately to think maybe my standards are too high. that somehow i'm looking for too much. that's it's too much to expect everything i'm looking for in anyone.

yet, it's not really like that...not really.

i think of those two...and they didn't fit .everything. i say i'm looking for.

they had a lot, but not everything i've mentioned/talked about/thought about/dreamed about.

yet, they still captured my heart and my eyes and my spirit like no others have.

it was something about them that said they were so much more than what i thought i wanted.

so, i'm not sure what to do about all that.

maybe my so-called standards are just some superficial .thing. god has put in place in my mind to keep me from relationships that might just be relationships for the sake of relationships.

cause, Lord knows otherwise i'd probably have asked out a ton more different girls.

yet, with those two notable exceptions, there's always been something to hold me back. something in me that says i want more.

hmm. maybe not more. maybe just different.

and, it's not like these "other" girls don't have a ton of amazing, christ-like characteristics.

in fact, i kick myself often for not "falling" for them.

i wonder how i could ever look another way.

but something, yes, something always holds me back.

you can't compromise on the girl, he says.

i wonder sometimes what it is you'd be compromising.

maybe it's better left undefined.

maybe i'll just keep waiting until that undefined something comes along again.

that undetermined someone who captures me like no other.

i have to have faith that that's not too much to ask.